Breaking News: Tiger removed from the Masters' field

Citing disappointment in his recovery following his release from a sex addiction rehab facility in Hattiesburg, MS, Tiger Woods announced that he has officially dropped out of the 2010 Masters.

In a short statement posted on his blog, Tiger claimed that he had more work to do in restoring normalcy to his personal life.

The Golf Channel caught up with Tiger, who remarked: "[This was the result of] going against my core values. I stopped meditating and being a Buddhist. My life changed upside down.

While no official word has been given, the gossip industry is once again leading the rumor mill after releasing several new reports. Allegedly, paparazzi spotted Elin Woods hoisting a 6 iron above her head in the living room of the Woods' home on Monday night.

Nevertheless, Tiger reassured the media this morning that his sense of "entitlement" (which was the cause of his transgressions) was truly a thing of the past. The reporters in attendance noted his sincerity as he delivered the rehearsed speech from the top deck of his 157 foot yacht in his private harbor.

Tim McMahon, an Associated Press reporter (one of the few selected to attend the extremely private press conference), questioned why Tiger was flanked by three average-looking blondes during the speech. Despite Tiger's heroic efforts to save him, McMahon was lost at sea during the voyage.

On the bright side, Tiger concluded by telling the public that though this is an indefinite leave from golf, he "could return as early as this season at virtually any tournament that provides a storyline strong enough to revive my rapidly declining brand."

When CBS Sports President Sean McManus (who told the press that Tiger's return at Augusta would be the biggest media event other than the Obama Inauguration in the past 10-15 years) caught wind of Tiger's departure from the Masters' field, he replied, "Holy shit" before leaving the CBS headquarters.

Meanwhile, commissioner Tim Finchem reassured the PGA Tour's sponsors by emphasizing the appeal of the TOUR's new stars such as Steve Stricker and Ernie Els to the average TV viewer.

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